• Adoption

    Blue

    It was the day my girls and I were covered in a faint blue sheen because we were spray painting metal bookshelves for volunteer hours at their school. Every bare-skin surface that should have been tan from the late summer sun was blue. I blew blue on my Kleenex. Kelly’s flip-flops had a foot shaped negative image on the inner soles, a blue outline of each of her toes and her heels. The air in the garage was a blue mist. We laughed because I had touched my face with a blue hand and left a bruise-like shadow under my nose. August 27. If I had noted things like our…

  • Adoption

    Waiting for Baby

    My finger hovers over the “SEND” button.  The email just says, “Yes.”  This decision doesn’t seem like one that I should be given the authority to make.  Who am I to “choose” which baby I get?  At the same time, the process to this point has felt so insultingly invasive, personally critical, and endlessly tedious, that I tend to feel like I have somehow earned some kind of right to manipulate the outcome.  When I find myself thinking that way, I am disgusted.  Our baby is not a trophy.  She’s not a commodity.    I didn’t expect this part of the process to be so HARD.  It’s unbelievable to me…

  • Adoption

    We’re Active

    Fifteen months later…we are truly here. Finally. Paperwork, fingerprints, home visits, background checks…all of it is done. Our new agency, which has been incredible to us, is looking for a baby for us RIGHT THIS MINUTE. The only thing left for us to do is sit back and wait for God to show us where our baby is. Oh, and raise $15,000 more. We estimate that we have already raised and spent $10,000 on this adoption because our original program shut down, and we had to redo (and repay for) a lot of things. We have to have the money by the time we are matched! And that could be…

  • Adoption

    Update December 2018

    Early last Tuesday morning I spent $113 to overnight all of our paperwork to Faithful Adoption Consultants. We had every document, every signature, every reference, and every photo itemized and stacked on the kitchen counter the night before. The pile was so fat I couldn’t wedge the jaws of a giant binder clip around the edge of it. I emailed FAC the night before to ask about the best way to send it and when I saw their answer, “UPS or Fed-Ex overnight,” I stepped into a pair of boots, pushed my coat on over my sweatshirt sleeves, tucked the whole precious stack of papers under my arm and headed…

  • Adoption

    Moving On

      Thursday, October 11, 2018 1:00 p.m. : I was hot and angry and frustrated and jealous.  My head hurt from squeezing my brows together in a frown.  I sat in the rocking chair pouting.  Why not us?   . . .  We waited 4 years to be accepted to the Japan program.  Last October, we were finally allowed to join.  Veterans to the home study process, we scrambled to raise money and complete paperwork and fingerprints and doctor visits last December.  Then we waited for a month and a half with no response.  Shortly after it was discovered that the delay was due to a problem with our email…